And the nominees for tonight’s Grammy for Best Performance by a Pun are…
Who do you think will win tonight at the Grammys? Let us know in the comments below!
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Punday: Rap Stars
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20 Hilarious Tumblr Dashboard Coincidences
If you use Tumblr you know it's a constant stream of pictures and memes and jokes and videos, so sometimes funny dashboard coincidences just happen. Will Tumblr ever get boring? I have a hard time imagining that ever happening.
Which was your fave? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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20 Clever Defaced Bills
I finally know why artists are so starving - they use all their cash money as art! Why don’t they use it for its intended purpose, lighting on fire as fuel.
Which piece of art was worth the cash it was made from? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or you’ll have mo’ problems without mo’ money.
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21 Weirdest Spam Emails
The internet is so good at internetting that most of us don't get spam anymore. That's a shame, because sometimes spam is hilarious. Check it!
Would you like to BUY VIAGRA XANAX VICODIN ONLINE LOW PRICE GOOD? Let us know in the comments!
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6 Movies that Should Have Been about the Minor Character Instead
Every so often a movie comes along that makes you sit up, take notice, and exclaim, “Hey, what’s up with the guy in the background? Because the rest of this film is boring me to tears.” This is the story of those background characters if they were truly the stars of their movies...
Sarlaac, “Return of the Jedi”
With the release of “Return of the Jedi,” the “Star Wars” movies had begun their slow decline that would turn into a steep drop with “Phantom Menace” and then plummet straight through the bowels of hell and into the molten core of the earth with “Attack of the Clones.” So perhaps things would have been better if the movie had instead focused on the Sarlaac, the immense, gaping mouth that slowly devours people over thousands of years in the Tatooine desert. We could have learned how he managed to wind up there without any feet, the tunes he might whistle as he waits eons before feedings, and how crippling loneliness causes him to talk out loud to himself nonstop, halting only to belch. Plus, we’d finally get to spend more time with Boba Fett as the bounty hunter slowly works his way through Sarlaac’s digestive system.
Eagle, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”
Well into the seventh hour of the first of three (as of this writing) planned “Hobbit” movies, it’s only natural for your mind to wander. Soon you begin asking yourself, “What on earth does a Dragon need gold for? Is it in deep with mobsters?” Or “How come Goblintown was built like an 8-bit scrolling arcade game?” Or “What’s the deal with the eagles? Why do they always help strangers? How freaking big are their nests? And why can’t they just fly the dwarves straight to Lonely Mountain instead of abandoning them high up on some godforsaken rock? Was that some sort of sick joke? Are the eagles just bastards out for a good laugh?” Eventually you realize a story focused entirely on the giant birds would make for a much better movie, if only because it would last no more than 15 minutes and eagles are far less likely to break into song after dinner.
Alfred, “The Dark Knight Rises”
With so many characters including Batman, Selina, Bane, Future Robin, Commissioner Gorden, Talia al Ghul, Lucius, and on and on, “The Dark Knight Rises” is as big of a mess as Gotham City itself. That’s why it would be nice to step back and focus on a single, low-key character like Alfred…after he quits and leaves town altogether. The movie could then assume a much more pleasant pace as it follows Alfred buying Ikea furniture for his new one-bedroom apartment in cleaner Metropolis. Or perhaps adopting a cat he calls “Miss Squiggles” and lavishes far too much attention on. We can even see him not only plan his European vacation online through Kayak (after having some difficulty since he doesn’t care for this new-fangled thing called the Internet) but also quickly flee from a Florence café after spotting a certain someone he doesn’t want to get stuck in a conversation with.
Violinist, “Titanic”
We all know from the very beginning that Jack and Rose’s romance is doomed because their relationship has to underscore the tragedy of the Titanic’s sinking. But would we have been so sure about the ship’s main violinist? With him as the star we could have started the movie right at the moment the ship strikes the iceberg (losing the chasing and necklace subplot but perhaps allowing time for the nude sketch). Then we’d see the violinist quickly check his contract with the cruise line and learn that he promised to play until the very end of the voyage, whether the ship docks in New York or the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. The rest of the movie plays out as the violinist alternates between cursing the hell out his agent and calling in favors with the rest of the string quartet so they’ll die with him.
Luigi and Guido, “Cars/Cars 2”
Most people who are not five-year-old boys or toy manufacturers agree that “Cars” and “Cars 2” are the low points in Pixar’s film history. The stories are too simple, the main characters are too flat, and the very idea of cars as people has probably led to some of the most frightening fanfic erotica imaginable. That’s why absolutely nothing could be lost by focusing entirely on two very minor characters—one who can barely speak English—as they put on and take off tires while telling each other dirty jokes, discussing what they’re going to have for dinner, realizing they gave Lightening McQueen a semi-truck’s rear tire by accident, drinking too much Peroni beer, and killing a whole 90 minutes so that no one need see or hear from Mater again.
Anyone Else, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”
Bella’s father Charlie. Bella’s third-best friend from kindergarten, Jenny. Bella’s pizza order, Extra Cheese. Anyone or anything would be far better than having to spend another minute with the dead-eyed Bella Swan, Edward, Jacob, and the rest of the cast that somehow made the “Underworld” film series “The Godfather I & II” of vampire-werewolf relations by comparison.
What are some othe minor charcters that need their own movies? Let us know in the comments!
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20 Gifts That Will Get You Dumped On Valentine's Day!
V-Day approaches and your words of love and acts of devotion don’t mean diddly-poop compared to what you’re going to give to that special someone. But be warned, there are some gifts that may send the wrong message. Any one of these will probably get you dumped before the bread basket hits the white table cloth. But maybe that’s what you were going for…
A Tattoo With Their Name
Stalkward Cullen To Watch You While You Sleep
A Gift Card
Surveillance Camera
Dead Fish
Vacuum
Taser
Paper Bag
Kitty Litter (And Neither Of You Own A Cat)
Snore Guard
Coffee Made Out Of Poop
A Tree Planted In Their Name
Electrolytes
Penis Pump
Human Teeth
Picture Of You Making Out With Someone Else
Gift Certificate For Liposuction
An STD (Not The Cute Toy Kind)
Someone Else’s Baby
Just A Box Of Chocolates
What’s the worst Valentine gift you ever got? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter or nobody will choo-choo-choose you as a Valentine.
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Pictures For You To STEAL: V 108
Sometimes funny captioned pictures and memes are too good to keep to yourself. That’s why we encourage you to take these pictures from us. It’s called SHARING. LOOK IT UP. Which is your favorite picture? Let us know in the comments below. Or not. It’s YOUR CHOICE!
Which one is the best? Why not submit your own at the Smosh tumblr?
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14 Incredibly WTF Anime GIFs
Japan is a strange and wonderful place, and even though the real people there can be really WTF, nothing is stranger and more WTF than their animation. Here are some of the strangest and most WTF anime moments ever!
These might take a moment to load, but be patient. They're worth it!
Goat!
Jump!
Ohhh pretty
Yum
On second thought, keep those glasses on
Bad hamster
Thanks for the help!
Bird!
Knife!
Pants!
Pickle!
Knock knock
Why?
Wait!
Which is the best one?
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25 Funny Celebrity Valentine's Day Cards
Today is Valentine's Day, and that means you should get your honey or sweetie or boo boo some kind of romantic Valentine's Day Card. If you can't find a good one in the store, maybe you should try one of these funny celebrity valentine's day cards. Because no one understands love better than famous people.
Which was your fave? Let us know in the comments below!
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21 Funny Video Game Glitches
Glitches and mistakes are going to a part of any game, but only some of them turn out to be hilarious. For example, these are some of the funniest game glitches I’ve ever seen, and although I’m man of refined comedy tastes, I especially like the humping ones.
Which was your favorite? Let me know in the comments or on twitter at @carpetislava.
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20 Hilarious Break Up Texts
They say breaking up is hard to do...clearly that was written before texting was invented. Here's 20 of the best break-up related texts!
Which one was you favorite? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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Taturday! Ladies with Scalp Tattoos!
Some ladies like having hair on their head. Other ladies go with tattoos. Whatever floats their head-boats, you know?
Which one was the best? Let us know in the comments below!
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Punday: Romance
Get ready for some lovin’ with this bouquet of romance puns…
How was your Valentine’s Day? Let us know in the comments below!
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19 Incredibly Disturbing Fake Lips
Holy crap! Who goes to their plastic surgeon and requests permanent duckface?? These people I guess!
Which one do you find most disturbing? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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21 Super Strange Google Street View Pictures
Google Street view is an amazing way to explore parts of the world you've never seen, or maybe even revisit places to miss. But when you are checking out every street everywhere in the world, sometimes you come across WTF pictures that you can't explain. Here are some of the strangest, most WTF, and funniest Google street view pictures ever!
Which was your favorite? Let me know in the comments or on twitter at @carpetislava.
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20 Geeky Animal Habitats!
As far as we know animals themselves can’t be nerds. Although I once knew a parrot who knew Klingon, but that wasn’t his fault, I had a lot of free time when I was unemployed.
Which animal habitat would you get for your wittle bittle snookie wookums? Let me know in the comments!
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter so we can coordinate a our Meowlenium Falcon designs.
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18 Ridiculous Looking Disney Knockoffs
If there’s one thing everyone can agree on, it’s that copyright violation is A-OK. People illegally download movies and albums all the time; jerkoffs drive trucks covered in decals of Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame) pissin’ on things; middle-aged women cart faux Louis Vuitton bags around their local Wal-Marts, praying that envious eyes follow their every move. And Disney characters are (usually poorly) slapped on any and everything. Case in point:
Are you a no-nonsense rebel who believes copyright laws are made to be broken? Let me know in the comments!
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15 Funny 'You Tried' Gifs
It's only natural to make mistakes. It's part of being human. What is important is that you tried. Trying is the first step to victory, as you can see in these funny You Tried gifs!
Slides (You Tried)
Dunking (You Tried)
Kicking (You Tried)
Diving (You Tried)
Parkour (You Tried)
Biking (You Tried)
Riding the bull (You Tried)
Skiing (You Tried)
Gymnastics (You Tried)
Diving (You Tried)
The army (You Tried)
Golf (You Tried)
Kickball (You Tried)
Getting into the pool (You Tried)
Jumping (You Tried)
Which was the best try?
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15 Awesome Pieces of Pizza Clothing
I don't know anyone who doesn't love pizza. But do you love it enough to wear it? I mean other than all over your clothing after you eat a slice? Here's 20 examples of kind of awesome pizza wearbales!
Would you wear any of this pizza merch? Let me know @desijedeikin or in the comments below!
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20 Comical Cartoon Screencaps
Cartoons are clearly the best things ever. I mean, look at Shut Up! Cartoons. GREAT, huh. Well, I guess other cartoons can be funny sometimes too. Can you name every cartoon?
Which was your favorite? Can you name every show?
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